Y am i such an idiot?

ok here's the deal i like a girl ok and she has rejected me twice i start wondering if it's my personality so i just change it right then . three months p we are at a party i ask her again but this time i'm trying to act like a jerk and when she rejects me i'm crushed and i say 3 things about her i wish i had never ever said ( u stupid i hope u rot in hell and u have a big nose) i feel like and idiot and now that that friendship is gone i want nothing more than to me than to get her to love me like i love her i need help i really need hlp :((